Moving in Together: Is it Time?
It’s one of the biggest decisions in a relationship and navigating it can be tricky. Deciding whether you should move in together isn’t just a logistical decision; it requires a fundamental look at your relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that it has to be difficult. Here are some things to consider when taking the plunge:
Do you actually want to?
This might sound trivial but it’s important to think about whether you actually want to do this. Some couples get to this point because they feel that it’s the next logical step in their relationship but it’s important that you both have a genuine ‘want’ to live with each other. Don’t do it just because it’s expected of you or it’s the next step that you’ve been conditioned to think you need to take.
Are your lifestyles compatible?
Do you have similar interests and lifestyles? If one of you likes to party like it’s 1999 every night and the other prefers to watch a DVD with a bottle of wine, you might find that living together may cause some tensions as these lifestyle priorities can highlight fundamental differences.
Do you enjoy spending time with each other?
What a silly question, right? Well it’s actually very valid as when you live together – effectively living in each other’s pockets – you really have to want to spend time around each other. You can’t just retreat to your respective rooms if you get bored or reach your threshold. Because you have an intimate relationship with your partner, it’s not the same as living with a roommate and it’s important to understand the intensity this can bring.
Have you survived at least one holiday together?
We’ve all heard of the couple that was so good together but ended up breaking up during or soon after a holiday. Travelling can actually simulate what it’s like to live with someone, as it presents situations of pressure and the obvious inability to escape your partner for a few days when things get tough. If you can survive this, it’s usually a good indication that you can survive living together.
Is the honeymoon over?
The infamous “honeymoon period” is responsible for many false hopes. During this time, everything is great and the sun shines every day. Moving in together would be the best possible thing, right? In reality, the first few months of a relationship aren’t always the best indication of its long term prospects. If you’ve been together for a while and have seen each other’s truths and flaws then you can be more confident about having a healthy relationship and being able to live together in harmony.
Are you basically already living together?
Sometimes, people don’t realise that they are already effectively living together. Over time, entire wardrobes worth of clothing creep their way into one of the residences – it may start with a toothbrush, but things can escalate quite quickly. If you spend most of your nights with your partner, you might want to consider taking the plunge and making it official.
Does it make financial sense for both of you?
Money is an important issue in a relationship and it’s important to be able to talk about this openly. Moving out can be costly and having an understanding of how the expenses will be met and shared is vital in a happy home and relationship. Some people don’t like to think about this, but there’s nothing wrong with having a plan and making sure you’re both covered if the worst does happen.
If you do decide to take the plunge, enjoy the journey and the extra time that you’ll have with your partner – and be good to each other!